I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I came so hard my ears popped.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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