I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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