I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
