mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
