I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Randomize
