I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
