I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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