The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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