I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
