Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
