My room smells like vodka and shame
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
This baby is an asshole
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
