if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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