also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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