I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
