i think i have two assholes
please come you make the beer taste better
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I still have a little drunk in my system
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
