he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
