Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
