So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I am one with the molecules
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
