I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
