I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
