hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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