he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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