uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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