i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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