Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
And then he peed in my hair
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