are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
