She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
