I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
