Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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