I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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