It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
