he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
