i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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