Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
