just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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