I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
