apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
