I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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