He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Pants are for mortals
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
