I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
