what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
