I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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