ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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