I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
