Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
