y did u give ur computer a hand job?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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