shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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