yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
