I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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