a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
