Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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