I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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