I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
