i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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