I smell stomach acid.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
