On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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