Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i dont even know how to be here
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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