I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
