She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
