I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
