It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Your cock deserves a montage
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
