Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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