i just wanna soil my oats bro
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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