about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
