Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
