He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
