I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
