I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
