glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
