Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
