woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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