did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
