dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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