I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
